It was April of 2010 and I went into work, thinking it would be a normal day. As soon as I walked in, my boss asked me to swing by her office. We usually chatted every morning so I thought nothing of it and even though she was a PhD and a Vice President, I was never really intimidated by her. As soon as I walked in, I knew something was wrong. She began to tell me about something I had done that she considered to be a huge error in judgment and, as a member of her management team, felt I should have known better. I was caught completely off guard and quickly thought through the conversation she was referring to. I didn’t realize that what I had said would cause such an issue and told her that. We had a good conversation, including my apologizing and her telling me how we would move forward in correcting perceptions. I left feeling a bit embarrassed, but knowing that we had patched up the issue.
Two hours later, we had a team meeting and went through the normal conversations and action items. Immediately afterward, my boss asked me to stay behind along with one of her Directors. We waited for everyone to leave and then out of nowhere, this Director proceeds to berate me up one side and down the other for the same issue I thought had been resolved with my boss. I was confused, frustrated, embarrassed, and angry. After 10 minutes, she was done and we adjourned. And I began my job hunt as soon as I got home.
It wasn’t until many months later that I realized I was working in a leadership environment that Lipman-Blumen (2005) refers to as “toxic”. Toxic leaders are those that either engage in destructive behaviors toward their subordinates or exhibit dysfunctional personal characteristics. Lipman-Blumen describes a number of destructive behaviors, including several listed below that hit close to home in my particular case:
1. Misleading followers
2. Failing to nurture followers, including successors
3. Encouraging followers to hate or destroy others
4. Identifying scapegoats
5. Ignoring or promoting incompetence, cronyism, and corruption
The lesson in this story is not so much about toxic leadership, but for me, it’s about looking for the teaching moments as a leader. I often rewind the conversations I had that day and try to think of what I could have done differently, but I think the real failure of action was on the part of my boss. She missed a great opportunity to teach me about making better judgments calls. She could have paired me up with the Director as mentor/mentee to learn how to handle those tough situations. She could have encouraged me rather than berate me and allow others to belittle my actions and abilities. She missed a great opportunity to use the situation to become a better leader…but I’ll take it if she won’t!
Reference:
Lipman-Blumen, J. (2005). The allure of toxic leaders: Why we follow destructive bosses and corrupt politicians – and how we can survive them. Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Happy Thoughts for Wednesday, 9/29 - Last Day at QNA Job
Happy thoughts for Wednesday ... 1. Hm, why ever should I be happy today?? 2. planning to do absolutely nothing this afternoon unless it's fun and relaxing!! and 3. I am thankful for the opportunities I was given in this current position and for the growth I had and am now looking forward to the next step forward, to new opportunities, growth and friendships!!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Be Encouraged! You are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made!
Psalms 139:14: “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well”(NKJV).
Do you know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God? What does that mean? God made you fearfully in His image. Fearfully made means that God was careful with you when He made you in His image. He was careful with you because He wanted you to be a beautiful representation of Himself. God also made you wonderfully. Wonderfully means that you are a one of a kind, unique specimen. You are a work of art! There is no reason that you should ever feel inadequate because you can rest assured that you have been created exactly the way that God needed you to be made.
Why is that important? There is not another person in the world that can do what you can do. You bring a different set of characteristics and gifts to every situation. You don’t have the same attributes that your friends and colleagues have. And they don’t have the same gifts that you have. The beautiful part about this is that when you combine your gifts to the gifts of others; the entire body is enriched by the sum total of all people involved. If everyone was the same, the body would never look at things from a different point of view. Thus, the body would never stretch and grow. The body of Christ is stretching and growing because you are stretching and growing!
As you become more comfortable with the fact that you are fearfully and wonderfully made; you can see the value in yourself as a child of God. As you begin to appreciate the value in yourself, you can better appreciate the value in others. As you appreciate the value in others, you can use your uniqueness and their uniqueness to reach new people that need to be reached. That means that you can continue to help others grow in God as you are growing in God. So be encouraged and be excited! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! You are a perfect creation in the Lord!
Reference: http://alltheezthingz.blogspot.com/2009/09/be-encourager-you-are-fearfully-and.html
Do you know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God? What does that mean? God made you fearfully in His image. Fearfully made means that God was careful with you when He made you in His image. He was careful with you because He wanted you to be a beautiful representation of Himself. God also made you wonderfully. Wonderfully means that you are a one of a kind, unique specimen. You are a work of art! There is no reason that you should ever feel inadequate because you can rest assured that you have been created exactly the way that God needed you to be made.
Why is that important? There is not another person in the world that can do what you can do. You bring a different set of characteristics and gifts to every situation. You don’t have the same attributes that your friends and colleagues have. And they don’t have the same gifts that you have. The beautiful part about this is that when you combine your gifts to the gifts of others; the entire body is enriched by the sum total of all people involved. If everyone was the same, the body would never look at things from a different point of view. Thus, the body would never stretch and grow. The body of Christ is stretching and growing because you are stretching and growing!
As you become more comfortable with the fact that you are fearfully and wonderfully made; you can see the value in yourself as a child of God. As you begin to appreciate the value in yourself, you can better appreciate the value in others. As you appreciate the value in others, you can use your uniqueness and their uniqueness to reach new people that need to be reached. That means that you can continue to help others grow in God as you are growing in God. So be encouraged and be excited! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! You are a perfect creation in the Lord!
Reference: http://alltheezthingz.blogspot.com/2009/09/be-encourager-you-are-fearfully-and.html
Unique Flaws
An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do ha lf of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.
'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.' The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?' 'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them' For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.'
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.
'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.' The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?' 'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them' For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.'
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
Questions I never really thought about ....
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car-pool lane?
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?
If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.
Do penguins have knees?
Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?
How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?
Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?
Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?
If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?
Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?
You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?
If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?
If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?
If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?
Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?
Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?
When the French swear do they say pardon my English?
Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why are red buttons always the most important?
Would you die if you didn't pee?
How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up.
If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?
Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?
Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?
How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?
What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?
Why does it say do not use before work with heavy machinery on the back of childrens tylenol? I mean..really could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts!
What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?
Compliments of http://www.bored.com/crazythoughts/
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?
If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.
Do penguins have knees?
Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?
How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?
Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?
Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?
If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?
Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?
You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?
If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?
If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?
If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?
Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?
Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?
When the French swear do they say pardon my English?
Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why are red buttons always the most important?
Would you die if you didn't pee?
How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up.
If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?
Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?
Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?
How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?
What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?
Why does it say do not use before work with heavy machinery on the back of childrens tylenol? I mean..really could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts!
What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?
Compliments of http://www.bored.com/crazythoughts/
Stanley Bing's Top 10 Strategies for Managing Up
1. Talk to the boss every day you can. Say hello. Don’t wear him or her out. Just begin to establish the idea that you are a human being, not just a function, and probably a pretty good person, too. Look him in the eye when you do so.
2. Notice when he or she comes in to the office. Be there when she gets here. Don’t be a pest. Be a presence.
3. Wander by his or her office now and then. If the boss doesn’t seem to mind it? Sit and have a cup of coffee. Bossing is lonely. Be a friend.
4. Look for opportunities to make your manager’s life easier. I can’t tell you what that is, but there usually are such chances. Seize them when they come.
5. Never present a problem without also bringing along a couple of solutions. You are there to solve things, not make the boss do so.
6. Tell the boss the whole truth. If you have information that might interest the boss, bring it to him even if it might be slightly upsetting to him.
7. Don’t whine. If he or she treats you mean now and then, just suck it up. Don’t be all hurt and tender. There’s no crying in baseball.
8. Step up to the plate. If there’s anything going on that requires a volunteer, do so.
9. Show your appreciation. Remember that there is no boss in the world that does not appreciate professional, moderate, responsible, dignified sucking up. I’m not talking about lathering up his or her helmet all the time. I’m talking about conveying respect and admiration when he or she requires it. Anybody that tells you that sucking up — done properly and with restraint — is wrong or icky is simply advising you to disarm one of the most powerful weapons in your arsenal.
10. Share glory, but not blame. When there is praise due for something well done, let your boss have the credit, even if you deserve it. If there is blame, accept it, even if HE deserves it. There is only one person who you have to please here, and it’s not Mr. Carruthers on the 56th Floor. It’s Bob, your boss, who works down the hall. And HE knows who deserves the credit and the blame.
http://blogs.bnet.com/stanley-bing/?p=555&tag=content%3Bcol2
2. Notice when he or she comes in to the office. Be there when she gets here. Don’t be a pest. Be a presence.
3. Wander by his or her office now and then. If the boss doesn’t seem to mind it? Sit and have a cup of coffee. Bossing is lonely. Be a friend.
4. Look for opportunities to make your manager’s life easier. I can’t tell you what that is, but there usually are such chances. Seize them when they come.
5. Never present a problem without also bringing along a couple of solutions. You are there to solve things, not make the boss do so.
6. Tell the boss the whole truth. If you have information that might interest the boss, bring it to him even if it might be slightly upsetting to him.
7. Don’t whine. If he or she treats you mean now and then, just suck it up. Don’t be all hurt and tender. There’s no crying in baseball.
8. Step up to the plate. If there’s anything going on that requires a volunteer, do so.
9. Show your appreciation. Remember that there is no boss in the world that does not appreciate professional, moderate, responsible, dignified sucking up. I’m not talking about lathering up his or her helmet all the time. I’m talking about conveying respect and admiration when he or she requires it. Anybody that tells you that sucking up — done properly and with restraint — is wrong or icky is simply advising you to disarm one of the most powerful weapons in your arsenal.
10. Share glory, but not blame. When there is praise due for something well done, let your boss have the credit, even if you deserve it. If there is blame, accept it, even if HE deserves it. There is only one person who you have to please here, and it’s not Mr. Carruthers on the 56th Floor. It’s Bob, your boss, who works down the hall. And HE knows who deserves the credit and the blame.
http://blogs.bnet.com/stanley-bing/?p=555&tag=content%3Bcol2
Happy thoughts for Monday
Happy thoughts for Monday... 1. If you're going to jump to conclusions, make sure you have all the facts before leaping, 2. Rain may look dreary, but it makes for a perfect hot tea, book and blanket kind of a moment, and 3. did Express Lane shopping at Harris Teeter yesterday - boy do I feel spoiled, but wow, do I have some extra time!!! Have a great day!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
